January Word: Trust

For the last two years I chose a word of the year. Last year it was consistency and the year before that it was shine. I wasn't consistent with either word. (Go figure!) I thought about the word and verse for January and then by February I had forgotten about the word. This year I decided to focus on a different word each month.  My life changes so fast that this was a good way to focus on what might be happening in the now.

For January I chose the word TRUST. I actually had quite a few words come across my mind as I was searching for January's focus, but I realized I couldn't tackle any other word until I learned to trust.

"Trust in the LORD and do good
 that you may dwell in the land and live secure.
Find your delight in the LORD
 who will give you your heart’s desire." (Psalms 37: 3-4)

There are a couple reasons I decided to work on trust in January. First, I need to trust God. I need to trust that He has my back and that He knows what is best for me (even if I disagree with it). I will admit that I have a hard time giving Him my entire life. I like to give Him bits and pieces but hold on to certain portions for myself. I am learning to trust Him with everything because why should I hold back? I need to trust Him completely, and that means communicating with Him better. Sometimes I don't pray or read the Bible because I don't trust. I don't want to let Him in because then I would have to trust.

Secondly, I need to trust myself. I am a self-doubter. (Honestly, who isn't to some degree?) I always feel like I measure up short. I don't do enough with the kids or the house, or my health... I could go on forever. But why? God made me a mom of these kids for a reason, and I need to trust myself: trust myself that I can do it and that I am exactly what the kids need. Trust myself that I am doing the best I can for my health. Trust myself that I am being the best wife for my husband.

Finally I need to trust life. I am an anxious person. It is a part of my disease and it can be absolutely crippling sometimes. I have so much in my life to support me and help me. My God, my husband, my family, my friends... they all want me to succeed and be happy. There is no need to worry and be anxious. (Side note: it is easy to tell myself that right now as I am not having an anxiety attack. However, anxiety and clinical depression is a real thing and it is OK to get medication for it. It is even better to find the underlying cause and fix health problems that may be causing one to be anxious or depressed. When I am having an episode, there is no way to tell myself to "just trust" and get better. It requires physical and medical attention, but I can remind myself in the dark times that it is just a moment that will pass. It does get better.)

Working on trust is a starting point for the year. If I can trust better than I can build on it and become a better me, with less anxiety and discouragement.